I have a suspicion. I don't know how deeply I've gone into it on this blog, if at all, but the fact is I have a piercing fear of disapproval. Most people do, to some extent--humans are social animals, and being cast out of a group used to be a life and death thing during the long period over which we evolved. Stage fright is probably the most common manifestation. But I've got it bad. Recall the fear you feel while, say, giving a job interview. Now imagine if that sort of fear gripped you about such trifling matters as whether or not to make eye contact while walking past someone you recognize, but don't really know. Yeah, not fun.
Anywhoo, I've been plagued with this for all my life, it seems, and I've had no luck freeing myself from it, and precious little insight into it in the first place. But I've just had the suspicion of an idea. Perhaps this fear is not as maddeningly insubstantial as it seems. What if, instead of being a general fear of "doing it wrong" in any social situation, it was merely a fear of not knowing what it would be to do it right or wrong in the first place? This could explain the intensity of it; for me, at least, there is nothing worse than uncertainty. This could also be a first step towards easing it, as well. If it were merely a fear of failure, then there would be no defense besides mere conditioning: training myself to be less afraid of the possibility of failure; to accept it. But if it were merely the result of ignorance--of not knowing what to do--then the solution is simply education, which is much easier than training. It makes sense, too. I've always been a shy person, so it's no surprise that I find myself lacking the normal experience most people have with social situations. I had no idea the ramifications were so extreme, though.
Even assuming this suspicion is correct, there's still one problem. The rules of social interaction are not fixed, and they vary from person to person. There is no single set of rules to be learned, and I would also have to learn to gauge situations, to find out which set of rules applies at any given time. That's no easy task, and I'm not sure if it can be learned without a whole lot of hands-on experience... which, naturally, would be hard for me to acquire. After all, I'm not just afraid of social situations--I also don't care much for them to begin with. Maybe I should go to finishing school.
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